


My Sweetest Friend

by moist_n_creamy



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Does Jumin Han Is Gay?, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Possessive Han Jumin, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Rika Bashing (Mystic Messenger), Rika Goes To Jail Where She Belongs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:14:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28488891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moist_n_creamy/pseuds/moist_n_creamy
Summary: After learning of V's traumatic past, Jumin must balance careful handling of his best friend's recovery with his own tumultuous feelings.
Relationships: Han Jumin/V | Kim Jihyun
Comments: 12
Kudos: 28





	1. Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning for non-graphic description of domestic abuse, including veiled mention of sex abuse.

Elizabeth the Third purred as she rolled over, leaving a trail of fine white hairs all over the sofa that Jumin’s housekeeper had just finished vacuuming. He didn’t mind, of course; Elizabeth’s hairs were like little angel kisses that only enhanced his home. Jumin simply wanted everything to be in order when V arrived. They had been friends since childhood, but he still felt the need to keep his space pristine for his oldest and most cherished friend. Despite their closeness, it had actually been quite a while since Jumin had seen V in person, almost a year really. V had spent some time traveling, filling up the pages in his passport, and Jumin could only assume that it was for his practice as a photographer. His friend had always enjoyed taking pictures in new places; it was just strange, and a little out of character, for him to spend so much time away at once. Not to mention, V had a fiancée to worry about. Rika hadn’t gone with him on his trips, and it didn’t necessarily seem to be making her happy, if her absence from the RFA chat room was any indication. In any case, he would be able to ask V about it today, and maybe figure out what was going on. He felt a little bit fluttery inside as he thought about seeing his best friend once again. Jumin had missed him dearly. 

“Mr. Han.” The sound of the security guard’s voice made him jump, turning to look at the man leaning into the room to get his attention. “Mr. Kim has arrived.”

“Send him in, please.” After all these years, V should have been able to just walk into Jumin’s penthouse as he pleased, but those damn guards insisted on following protocol for every single visitor. Something about Jumin’s safety or whatever. 

The guard nodded, and a few moments later, V was stepping into the living room, still wearing a pair of dark aviator-style sunglasses. “Hello, Jumin. It’s good to see you again.” His voice seemed a little quieter, more tentative than normal, but, then again, he always had been soft-spoken.

“V! I’m glad you’re here. It’s been a while.” Jumin extended his hand, inviting him to have a seat on the sofa. Elizabeth chirped curiously, coming over to investigate. Recognizing a friend, she loafed on V’s lap, blinking slowly in contentment. “It looks like she missed you too,” Jumin laughed softly. “Wine?”

“S-Sure.” Jumin stepped away briefly to retrieve the bottle that had been chilling on ice in the kitchen, along with two glasses. Something was...off about V, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. His friend had seemed more timid than usual, but that wasn’t the only thing. V seemed to have lost weight, too, which was concerning. He had always been thin; but today he looked even more slender and delicate than usual. If he wasn’t eating right, it could be dangerous.

Back in the living room, Jumin studied him carefully as they talked- the way V clutched his stemmed glass with both hands, the way he seemed to perk up as they talked about his travels, only to withdraw as Jumin brought up the possibility of planning the next RFA party. The dark-haired man held back a chuckle as he noticed something suddenly. “V, you’ve still got your sunglasses on.”

“Oh…” V laughed nervously. “I guess I do. He lifted the frames from his face and set them aside, returning his gaze to Jumin.

That was when Jumin realized that something was  _ very much  _ not right. The way V looked at him...it was like he was looking right through him. His eyes didn’t seem to focus on the subject of his glance the way they should. Jumin didn’t quite know what to make of it, but it was just another red flag that sprung up, waving wildly at him. He set down his glass on the coffee table, leaning toward V. “Hey...is...everything okay with you? You don’t seem like yourself today.”

V seemed taken aback. “Oh… Everything’s fine!” he insisted, not at all convincingly. I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”

Jumin couldn’t help but worry. Something was wrong with his friend, but said friend seemed to have a vested interest in pretending that everything was normal, when it  _ very clearly  _ wasn’t. “Are you  _ sure _ ? If something is going on, you can tell me, V. You can tell me  _ anything _ .”

“There isn’t anything to tell.” The slight man appeared flustered, but kept tight-lipped about whatever it was. In some ways, he looked like a cornered animal, knowing that it was only a matter of time before he was found out, but insisting on putting up a fight anyway. 

With a frustrated sigh, Jumin leaned back against the couch again, intently studying the deep red spirit in his glass as he swirled it around absently. He thought it best to resume their conversation for now; V would have to tell him what was wrong eventually. Maybe Jumin could coax it out of him organically. “So, it’s been a while since you’ve been home. We haven’t really heard from Rika in a while. Is she well? I know the two of you must have missed each other while you were-”

The sentence was abruptly cut off by the sound of cracking glass, and a sharp little cry of pain. He jerked his head up to look at V, at the shattered bordeaux glass, the panicked expression on his friend’s face, the clear shards that stuck to his hand, the two types of red liquid running down his arm. “V! Are you alright?”

“I-I…” His voice trailed off, not able to put together a coherent thought in the moment.

“Wait right here. I’ll get the first aid kit.” Jumin hurried to the bathroom for the kit, coming back with supplies to bandage the injury and a towel to clean the mess. 

Gingerly he brushed aside the broken pieces, making a mental note to go after a broom and dustpan once he’d finished with the most important task: fixing V up. He knelt in front of the other man, carefully taking his injured hand. “Let me see what you’ve done.” Jumin frowned, realizing how accusatory his word choice sounded.

“I’m so sorry,” V whispered, mortified.

“It’s okay,” his friend reassured him. “It was an accident.” Jumin took a pair of forceps, picking the stubborn bits of glass out of V’s palm, making him wince as his cuts were disturbed. “What happened to make you this upset?” he asked as he reached for a bottle of antiseptic and a couple of cotton balls. “Did I say something wrong?”

“N-No, of course not.” V’s tone was soft as always. “You could never say anything wrong.”

Jumin clenched his jaw to focus on his work, ignoring as always the tight feeling in his chest. “Then…”

V swallowed hard, looking away. “I-I don’t know what happened. It was an accident, like you said. I know you said it was okay, but... I’m sorry I broke your glass...I’m sorry I made such a mess… I’m sorry I made you worry.”

“It’s just a glass, V. It’s just wine. It’s just a couch. It’s just a rug.” Jumin finished wrapping gauze around his friend’s hand, securing it with a piece of medical tape before standing. “As for the last thing… You’re my oldest and most precious friend. I’m always going to worry about you, whether you like it or not, so please...don’t feel bad about it.”

Looking flustered, V cast his unfocused gaze to the side. “I’m not...really all  _ that  _ important.”

“How...How can you say that?” Jumin searched his face, bewildered. He was starting to piece things together now. First, Rika was clearly a sore subject for his friend; to the point of damaging things accidentally. This in itself was a very big red flag. Then, V couldn’t seem to stop apologizing for his mistakes, or downplaying his value as a person. It all added up to trauma of some sort, something that had damaged his friend’s self-esteem, reducing him to a timid, self-effacing version of himself. V seemed anxious, and while he’d always been a cautious and introverted kind of person, it was  _ never  _ like this. He almost seemed afraid of doing something wrong, of making Jumin angry with him. Jumin hesitated to jump to conclusions, but all of this honestly looked a little too much like the result of  _ abuse _ . He sat down again, leaning toward the other man. “Please...tell me what’s really going on.”

V dropped his head, running his hands through his hair. “I haven’t told anyone about this,” he muttered, tentative.

“You can tell me anything. I won’t share it with anyone if you want to keep it private.”

The soft-spoken man took a deep breath. “Rika is...very sick.”

“Sick?” If V’s fiancée was being treated for some kind of condition, it would explain her absence from RFA these past months.

“She’s very mentally ill,” V clarified. “It’s been progressing for a few years now, really. I realized that she’d gotten depressed, and I helped her go to a doctor, for treatment. She was seeing a therapist, and they put her on a medication. It all seemed like it was really helping her.”

“Well, that’s good.” Jumin was hopeful.

V swallowed hard. “It was helping her, until she stopped taking her medicine, and stopped going to counseling.”

“Oh… Oh no.”

“Rika always said that there was a...a  _ darkness  _ inside her. I tried to tell her that it was her depression, and that if she just continued her treatment, it would go away, or she could control it, at least.” V exhaled hard through his nose. “The problem was, Rika became convinced that she  _ needed  _ the darkness, that it was a part of her.”

Jumin knit his brow. “To be fair, having depression  _ is  _ part of who she is.”

“Of course, I understand that.” V seemed frustrated, trying to explain things in a way that the other man would understand. “The difference for Rika, though, is that she saw her ‘darkness’ as a  _ positive  _ thing, instead of something that she needed to be treated for. She wanted to  _ embrace  _ it. Rika didn’t want to be treated for her illness, because she refused to accept that it was actively harming her.”

“I think I see what you’re saying.”

“After a while, she started to get angry with me, because I didn’t want her to keep getting worse. She kept saying that I was trying to change her, that I couldn’t accept her for who she was.”

“You were trying to help her.”

V threw his hands up in the air. “Of  _ course  _ I was!” he exclaimed, voice pitching up in frustration. “But she couldn’t see that because of how sick she had gotten! Rika said that I shone too bright, that I was destroying her darkness.”

Jumin could at least agree that V shone brightly. At least he had, at one time. His friend seemed significantly duller now by comparison. “Did… Did Rika  _ hurt  _ you?”

His friend closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “We were fighting a lot. Rika wanted me to embrace the darkness too. She would ask me to do...things with her. Things that I didn’t necessarily  _ want  _ to do, but I thought if maybe I could just make her a little bit happy…”

_ What...What did she make you do?  _ A chill ran down Jumin’s spine. Part of him didn’t want to know what V meant by “things,” but another part of him could figure it out easily enough.

“She wore me down so much...I stopped even asking for her to start treatment again. I didn’t know what to do with her. I thought that maybe if I just  _ loved  _ her enough, it would make her happy again. I gave her everything she wanted, and it still wasn’t enough. One day she picked a fight with me...the  _ last  _ fight.”

“What happened then?” Jumin took a shaky breath, knowing that this could only end badly.

“At some point...it’s a little hazy now. It’s hard to remember everything that happened in the heat of the moment… Rika scratched me in the eyes. I don’t know what she was trying to accomplish by doing that… I don’t even remember how I got to emergency care.”

“V...are you… Are you losing your sight?”

V’s voice cracked then as he spoke. “The doctor said that the corneas of my eyes had been damaged, and I was going to go blind. I-It’s happened kind of slowly, over the past year, but I can’t see much of anything anymore. He paused for a moment to take a deep breath, voice still wavering. “That’s why I’ve been traveling. I wanted to take as many pictures as I could before I couldn’t take any more.”

“Oh, god…”

“That’s why I’ve come home now. My vision’s too far gone for me to work, so…” He shrugged, as if to say “the end.”

All of these awful truths washed over Jumin slowly, and for a brief moment he was too shocked to say much of anything. Then, his hands began to shake, heat spreading across his skin and raising the hair on the back of his neck. He’d never been one to let his emotions get the better of him, but in this moment, Jumin wanted to grab the wine bottle and smash it against the nearest wall. He resisted the urge, of course, knowing it would upset V. Because  _ Jumin  _ actually cared about him. Jumin balled his fists tightly, holding his rage inside and forcing down the vitriol burning in the back of his throat. All this time, he’d held Rika in high regard, while she tore his best friend to shreds in private. He couldn’t even  _ imagine  _ treating V so poorly; Rika was sick, but that was no excuse for damaging someone so  _ precious _ .  _ Jumin  _ would  _ never  _ hurt V like that.  _ Jumin  _ cherished V.

Jumin  _ loved _ V, for as long as he could remember.

Though he knew his emotional journey was plain on his face, he managed to choke out a few words. “I-I can’t believe Rika would be so  _ cruel _ .”

V grimaced. “That’s not even the worst of it.”

“What could be worse than what she did to you?!” Rika had abused her fiance to the point of causing him to go blind; what could top that? War crimes? Blowing up a bus full of orphans and puppies?  _ A bus full of orphaned puppies?! _

“Rika’s delusions about the ‘darkness’ inside her kept progressing. Even while we were still together, she started to believe that she could be some kind of ‘ _ savior _ .’”

Jumin tilted his head, confused. “How do you mean?”

V mulled it over for a minute, trying to explain things in a way that made sense. All of this had to seem absolutely  _ insane _ to someone who hadn’t experienced it directly. “She wanted to create a world ‘free of pain and suffering,’ to use her words.” 

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Jumin shook his head. “I mean, I understand what you’re saying, but how did Rika think she could achieve something like that? How could one person change the whole world like that?”

“I didn’t say it was a logical notion.”

_ Of course.  _ Rika was sick; all of these things she believed were delusions fueled by her illness. “I mean…” Jumin cleared his throat. “It’s not a bad thing to want to make the world a better place, but did she even have any kind of a plan? Even if it wasn’t a plan that made sense?”

V pressed his lips together, forming a thin line. “The problem is, she  _ did  _ have a plan. That’s where all of this gets worse.” He paused, aware of how crazy he himself was about to sound. “Rika...started her own religion. Well, a  _ cult _ , really.”

Jumin stared at him, emotionless. “She did  _ what _ ?” Of course he  _ believed  _ V, but all of this was  _ almost  _ too wild to be true. And to think that his friend had been keeping it to himself for so long…

“The crazy thing is, she actually has  _ believers _ . I don’t know if it’s Stockholm Syndrome, or brainwashing, or if she really is just that charismatic, but she’s got more followers than you would expect. They call themselves ‘Mint Eye,’ whatever that means, and they think they’re all going to some ‘everlasting party.’”

“Sounds like they’re going to try and hitch a ride on the Hale-Bopp Comet,” Jumin muttered darkly, not caring in the moment how insensitive he sounded. “There’s no telling how much money these people are giving her. Financial control is often a major factor in cults like this.”

V groaned. “That’s another thing. There’s a reason we haven’t had another RFA party.”

“Don’t tell me RFA is somehow tied to this…”

“Not  _ officially _ , but Rika did take the opportunity to make connections with powerful and wealthy people. Don’t get me wrong, she  _ did  _ care about fundraising for good causes, but there was a nice little angle in there for her, too.”

Biased as he was, Jumin still found it difficult to consider this whole cult thing worse than the abuse, but it still disgusted him to his core. V could delude himself into thinking that Rika actually cared about charity, but Jumin couldn’t bring himself to believe that things had ever been about anything other than the money. Bile rose in the back of his throat once again, remembering something that he’d long ago disregarded, thinking at the time that it was a one-off sort of behavior, that Rika would never do something like that  _ normally _ . Jumin rubbed his forehead, groaning at just how wrong he’d been. “There’s something I should probably tell you. I didn’t think too much of it at the time, but…”

“What is it?” V seemed nervous.

“Rika...came to me once, talking about how we could be together, about how she’d leave you if I would have her. It was...absurd, and completely unexpected. I just thought that she was anxious. You had just recently gotten engaged, and I thought she was just a little nervous about it. I talked her down, and tried not to let it bother me, but it should have. It should have been a big red flag.”

V was surprisingly understanding about the whole thing. “You couldn’t have known everything else that was going on.”

“In retrospect, it’s obvious that she was just after my money and company. I should probably have told you about it as soon as it happened, but because I didn’t think too much of it, I wanted to avoid embarrassing Rika or damaging your relationship with her. When in reality she was perfectly capable of ruining that relationship herself.”

V chewed on his bottom lip, pensive. “Did you...feel the same way about Rika?”

A loud guffaw escaped Jumin at the sheer absurdity of the notion. “Absolutely not.” Rika wasn’t the one he held special feelings for. “I liked her, but in a platonic sense. I thought she was a lovely young woman. I respected her. It wasn’t anything more than that.” He paused to take a long sip of his wine, choosing his next words carefully. “Besides, even if I  _ had  _ felt that way about Rika, I would have been too put off by her betraying you. I would never hurt a friend in that way. But allow me to reiterate one more time: I  _ did not _ have any kind of romantic feelings for Rika.”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” V chuckled softly, holding up his hands in defeat. “Loyalty is very important to you, isn’t it?” The way he tilted his head and gave a slight smile made Jumin’s heart skip a beat. “Besides, you’ve always been a little wary of women.”

Words jumbled themselves in the dark-haired man’s mouth, truths he never thought he’d be sharing with anyone, and heat crept up the back of his neck, threatening to bloom over his face. For so long, he’d trained himself to keep his emotions hidden, to never blush or shout or stumble over his words. But this… He felt like a schoolboy about to confess to his crush. This was such a  _ private  _ thing…

And yet, V had just gone and borne his total soul to Jumin. Surely the latter could share this one little piece in return…

Before he knew it, those tangled words were spilling out. “Well, it’s not so much that I’m  _ wary  _ of women. It’s more a matter of me not being attracted to them at all.”

V seemed briefly confused as he put two and two together, but realization washed over him as his eyebrows shot upward. “ _ Oh! _ ”

Jumin swallowed hard. “Yes.”

“You’re…”

“Yes.”


	2. Trading Secrets

_ 18 Years Ago _

Jumin pursed his lips, watching bubbles starting to form on the surface of the batter he had poured into the pan. Carefully, he slid the spatula underneath the cooking pancake and gave it a quick flip, remembering Madame Masson’s instructions. He had wanted his governess to teach him how she made her crepes, but she felt that such a dish was a bit too difficult for a child of only eight. So, pancakes it was. Jumin couldn’t complain; the cakes had already filled the large kitchen with their warm, rich fragrance, and it felt good to be able to cook something on his own, and to surprise his father with a real meal before he headed out for a long day at the office. He slid this final cake onto the short stack just as he could hear his father’s voice coming down the hallway.

“ _ Abeonim _ ,” he greeted the chairman excitedly, “I made breakfast for you.”

His father paused, fastening the buttons on the cuff of his sleeve. “Oh, I’m sorry son, but I’m already running late. Maybe another time. Perhaps Mi-Young can enjoy them in my place.” The flashy young woman emerged from the hallway behind Jumin’s father. He knew she’d come from the bedroom.

With that, his father was out the door, leaving him alone in the kitchen with his mistress, who didn’t do much to hide her distaste for children. Unimpeded by her sugar daddy’s scrutiny, she scrunched up her nose at the sight of Jumin’s cooking. “What good is a little kid’s cooking, anyway?” she scoffed, breezing out of the room. After all, she had a long day planned of loafing around and spending the chairman’s money.

The plate of unwanted food stared Jumin in the face, and he stared back, briefly at a loss. He’d always been taught to hide his emotions, to not get upset over little things, but this really hurt. It made him feel as though his father didn’t appreciate the gesture, like he wasn’t good enough to earn his father’s approval. At the end of the day, he was only a child; how could he be expected to never get upset. Jumin sniffed, sliding down to the floor and pulling his knees to his chest. He buried his face between them, muffling the sounds of his crying. How much did his father care about him, really? The governesses and nannies and household staff showed him more concern, and they were  _ paid  _ to be nice to him. Really, it seemed that only one person in his life  _ actually  _ cared about him without expecting anything in return- his best friend in the whole wide world.

The kitchen door opened slowly, a small voice echoing through the room. “Helloooo...is anyone home? Jumin?” Jihyun glanced around the room, seeing a plate of now-cold pancakes on the table and a small figure slouched on the floor. “Jumin?”

The dark-haired boy looked up, facing his friend with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. He sniffled once more before managing to croak out a greeting. “Hi.”

Jihyun sat down in front of him, face painted with concern. “What happened, Jumin? You’re crying.”

“I-I made breakfast for my dad, but he didn’t care. He just went to work like always. And then his girlfriend was m-mean to me…” Jumin was well aware how messy he looked right now; his father would scold him if he could see his son in such a state. 

The other boy looked from his friend, to the rejected pancakes, to the ingredients so carefully laid-out on the counter. Jumin had clearly worked hard on this, only to have his accomplishment thrown back in his face.

Jihyun scooted over to sit next to his friend. “I’m sorry your dad didn’t appreciate what you did for him. I can tell you tried really hard.” He inhaled the sweet scent still hanging in the air. “It smells good. Your dad is missing out.”

Jumin started to settle down finally, happy to talk to someone who understood how he felt. “Madame Masson taught me how to make it.”

“If you want, we can make some more together.”

“Really, you’d want to do that?”

“Of course,” the blue-haired boy replied cheerfully. “I bet your pancakes taste great, and…” He grinned sheepishly. “I’m kind of hungry.”

Jumin laughed, finally starting to cheer up. “Okay.”

Half an hour later, the two boys seated themselves at the table, an obscene number of pancakes between them. One neatly stacked several cakes, carefully buttering them and cutting them into well-mannered bite-sized pieces while the other dumped syrup haphazardly over his own towering pile before cramming a bite in his mouth. The more formal and reserved boy watched him, holding his breath as he waited for a reaction.

“Well?” he asked nervously. “Do they taste alright?”

Jihyun could only nod, knowing at least that he shouldn’t talk with his mouth full. He swallowed his food before giving a wide grin. “Delicious!”

As he watched his friend shovel more of their cooking into his face, relief washed over Jumin; he’d done well. Another strange feeling struck him as well, one he couldn’t quite define. Studying the look of pure contentment on Jihyun’s cute little face, he felt warm and fuzzy in a way that was new to him. Maybe this was what it was like to feel true acceptance from another person. Maybe the feeling was kinship. Maybe it was something he didn’t fully understand yet.

Those feelings only grew over time, becoming  _ much  _ more complex. At first it was wanting to spend all his time with Jihyun, then it was wanting to hold his hand, then wanting to kiss him, and eventually, it was Jumin realizing he wanted things even beyond that. It was many sleepless nights throughout his adolescence, filled with longing. Finally, it was accepting that he was completely head-over-heels in love with his best friend. He’d had to accept, of course, that Jihyun didn’t have the same inclination, that he’d meet a nice woman one day and marry her.

And Jumin would be there, always at his side, as he watched the love of his life commit himself to another.

_ If only I can stay by your side. That will be enough.  _

\---

“Yes.” Jumin cleared his throat. “I am...a gay man.” It felt a little odd to characterize himself as such, considering that he’d only ever felt that way about  _ one _ person, but it was the truth. He had found other men  _ attractive _ , but those men weren’t V. Now that he thought about it, this was his first time coming out to  _ anyone _ . Most people just assumed that he was straight, but had a hard time opening up to others, or finding a woman who wasn’t just after his money. Of course there was the occasional tabloid speculation, especially when he and Zen played nice in public for the sake of RFA’s reputation, but no one ever took claims from those kinds of sources seriously.

“I have to admit, I’m a little surprised,” V said finally. He didn’t seem put-off by Jumin’s admission, at least.

“I think most people would be, if they knew.”

V looked at him questioningly. “Wait...just how big a secret is this? Have you told anyone else? Does Jaehee know?” If anyone else knew about this, it would undoubtedly be Jumin’s unfailingly capable assistant.

“You’re the first person I’ve ever told.”

“M-Me?!”

Jumin reached out to brush away the long strand of hair that had fallen into his friend’s eyes. “You were trusting enough to share your truth with me. I wanted to share mine as well.”

“How long...have you felt this way?”

“I think...part of me has always known.” He stopped to think it over for a moment. “It’s common for even very little boys to chase after girls, but I never had  _ any  _ interest in girls, even before my parents divorced and all of  _ that _ .” Jumin glanced away then, not able to bring himself to make eye contact with V as he continued. “When I got older, and started having  _ certain feelings _ , it was only ever for another boy. I have  _ never  _ felt attracted to a woman.”

V actually chuckled then, making Jumin feel a little self-conscious. “And to think that for a little while I actually believed you were a bit sweet on Rika.”

“It probably just seemed that way because I was friendlier with her than any other woman I’d ever met.”

“I suppose that’s true. So...I guess you’ve never dated anyone, right? Since you’re not out to anyone but me.”

“Never.”

It would be difficult, V supposed, to be gay in Jumin’s position. In his travels, V had been all sorts of places, with varying levels of acceptance for the queer community. He’d once had the privilege of being in New York City during a major Pride festival; to see so many people able to celebrate themselves and their love and be so accepted for who they were… It wasn’t something that was so  _ widely  _ accepted here at home. Things were getting better for the community at large, but for someone in Jumin’s position, still so beholden to the Old Boys Club that was Big Business, everything stayed very much the same. Younger employees would likely accept it without question, but the shareholders, the executives, and business associates would probably never hold him in the same regard again. Hell, even Jumin’s own  _ father  _ might not accept it. He still expected his son to settle down and have sons of his own to carry on the family name. “I guess it would be difficult, considering your position with the company.”

Jumin took a deep breath, surprised at his own willingness to spill his guts further as his face flushed light pink. “Well, there’s that, of course, but there’s another complication as well.”

V looked worried. “What is it?” He looked at Jumin with those big, blue eyes, and Jumin knew that he couldn’t hide this any longer.

“In all my life, I’ve only ever had real feelings for one person. Sure, I’ve found others attractive in passing, but I didn’t love them the way I did this person.”

“I thought you said you hadn’t dated anyone.”

“I haven’t,” Jumin replied quickly. “I had... _ have  _ feelings for him, and I have for many years, but he’s straight, and he’s been in a relationship for a long time.”

“Oh…” V looked a little sad on his friend’s behalf. “It must hurt so much to love someone who could never return that love.”

_ Not as much as loving someone who only causes you pain in return.  _ “Honestly, if he  _ could  _ love me back, I’d risk everything- my reputation, my career,  _ everything _ \- for him. I’ve known him since I was a kid, and my feelings haven’t changed since I first realized they were there.”

V tilted his head, his interest piqued. “Since you were a kid? Do I know him too?”

Jumin took another deep breath, his heart racing, redness flooding his cheeks. “Yes, you know him.”

“Who is it, Jumin?”

“His name is Jihyun Kim.”

\---

A variety of emotions washed over V one after another. To hear his best friend of nearly  _ two decades  _ name him as the person that he loved so much. He couldn’t possibly know  _ another  _ Jihyun Kim, right? It was even more surprising than learning that Jumin was gay. He’d never given him any reason to believe that he was  _ in love  _ with V. “M-Me?” he asked, dumbfounded.

Jumin swallowed hard, sounding ashamed of himself. “Yes, V. You’re the one that I love.”

“I-I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, but please...don’t hate me.” His voice had grown a little sad now.

“Why would I hate you? I could never hate you!” V frowned, upset that his friend would have so little faith in him. Sure Jumin’s romantic feelings were unrequited, but there was nothing wrong, or dirty, or disgusting about those feelings. If anything, it only made V feel closer to him- having someone who loved him in every possible sense made him a very lucky man.

“Thank you...for understanding, V.”

“Jihyun.”

“What?”

“I want you to call me Jihyun again. V is the person that Rika ‘loved.’ Jihyun is the person that Jumin loves.” Even though his own feelings toward his best friend were strictly platonic, it did feel good to be loved by someone whose affections were genuine. Every little gesture from Jumin now held a different meaning- his happiness when Jihyun had arrived here today, his worry when Jihyun had injured himself- it was all an expression of love. It was a lot to process, and it made him feel lightheaded in a rather lovely way.

“I see…” A flash of color tinted Jumin’s face, and he cleared his throat, calming himself. “As you wish...Jihyun.”

Jihyun hummed pleasantly, realizing that he had missed the sound of his own name on Jumin’s tongue. “Can I try something?” he asked suddenly.

“What is it?” His friend sounded a bit tentative, considering what had just been confessed between them.

Jihyun bit his lip, wondering if he was pushing the envelope by asking this of Jumin. Was it taking advantage of his feelings? Maybe, but...he would  _ want  _ Jihyun to be just a little bit selfish, just this once, right? “Will you...kiss me?”

“Kiss you?!” He’d never heard Jumin’s voice go that high before.

“I want to know what it feels like,” Jihyun explained, “to be kissed by someone who  _ truly  _ loves me.”

Jumin made a frustrated sound. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Why would I feel uncomfortable? I’m the one who asked.”

“Well, I suppose that’s true,” Jumin mumbled, rising from his seat and moving to sit next to Jihyun. “Alright, if you insist.”

He looked at his friend, holding his gaze for a moment as he brushed Jihyun’s hair away again, tucking it behind his ear. Jumin’s hand slid back down to rest on Jihyun’s face, cupping it gently as the thumb stroked his cheek. With half-lidded eyes, Jumin leaned forward, bringing his lips to press gently against his friend’s other cheek, lingering there for a second before pulling away. It was nice, of course, but it wasn’t at all what Jihyun had asked. “Thank you, but that wasn’t what I meant.”

“Oh…” the dark haired man stammered. “I’m sorry, I-”

“I want you to kiss me how you  _ want  _ to kiss me.”

“How I want…”

“You know what I mean.” He looked up at Jumin with hungry eyes, daring him to resist temptation.

A shiver ran through Jumin’s body. Jihyun was...a little too eager for this, and Jumin didn’t really know how to interpret it. All he knew was, the man he loved was sitting here in front of him, practically begging him for a real kiss. If it would help his  _ friend  _ feel better, well, Jumin was more than willing to oblige. He gazed at the other man for another brief period, studying the face he’d known for so long. Jihyun’s hair had gotten much longer, about chin-length now, falling into soft, slight waves. His eyes were hazy as his vision faded, but something still burned behind them, something even Rika couldn’t destroy. Jumin reached back out to stroke the other’s hair gently, and his friend seemed to melt against the touch, starving for affection. He shot a look back at the dark-haired man, reminding him of the task at hand. Jihyun might have been losing his sight, but he still knew how to use those pretty eyes to get exactly what he wanted. Jumin watched his long, fluttery eyelashes as those eyes dropped halfway shut. He cupped Jihyun’s face in his hand again, fingertips resting on the back of his neck, and leaned forward, closing the gap between them.

It was a chaste kiss at first, lips brushing together lightly; Jumin might have never kissed anyone before, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t fantasized about this exact moment thousands of times. Not that he would ever admit that to Jihyun, of course. He lingered there shortly, letting the other man adjust to the sensation. He  _ did  _ need an adjustment period, based on how his entire body tensed up when Jumin made contact. He was tempted to pull away, thinking that Jihyun hated it, but if he  _ actually  _ hated it, he’d stop things, right. Jumin brushed his thumb over the smooth skin of his cheek, and he relaxed finally, reminded of the genuine affection behind the act.

Though Jihyun had asked for this, and had anticipated it as he could feel Jumin leaning in, it still managed to catch him by surprise when their lips touched. Jihyun had not once in his life kissed another man, much less his  _ best friend _ , who had just confessed to  _ being in love with him _ . It was just...a lot at once. But Jihyun didn’t hate it. Jumin, ever the gentleman, was showing incredible restraint right now, trying to give him what he had asked without taking things too far. Once he felt Jihyun relax, he started to move his lips, one kiss after another in languid succession. It made the latter’s heart jump in his chest, and he trembled as he found himself mirroring the movement, reaching out to rest one hand on Jumin’s shoulder as he kissed him back. Truthfully, he had expected the kiss to end much more quickly- one gentle kiss and that was it- but Jumin seemed content to continue this for as long as Jihyun allowed. Somehow, that didn’t bother him a bit; Jihyun felt a little dizzy as his pulse accelerated. When he’d asked Jumin to kiss him, he hadn’t anticipated it feeling this  _ nice _ . With Rika, it was only like this in the very beginning.

Jumin felt as though his heart might explode. He knew that this whole kissing thing had been Jihyun’s idea, but he hadn’t expected the other man to  _ actually kiss him back _ . It was so much, so quick- not only was this his actual first kiss, but it was with someone he’d been pining after for much of his life, and it felt  _ so good _ . It was certainly something his mind would return to late that night as he lay in bed. A low sound escaped his throat as his thoughts turned to other activities that this kind of kiss could lead to. Jihyun sighed in response, and Jumin tightened his grip on the back of his neck, kissing a little more intently than before. The other man matched his pace, and Jumin could feel heat starting to build between his own thighs, a warning as to what this was becoming. Coherent thought breaking through, he pulled away from the kiss, blinking rapidly to help his head stop spinning. What was he thinking, making out with his best friend like that?! “I-I apologize,” he managed to spit out finally. “I got a bit carried away.”

“It’s okay.” Jihyun’s eyes flicked to the side. “It was nice.”

_ Nice? It was  _ nice _?!  _ Jumin made a perturbed sound in response. “Well, I’m glad, I guess.”  _ You guess? _

“I’ll be honest; I don’t feel any different than I did before, but I still appreciate it. Like I said, affection feels good when it’s from someone who means it.”

“I suppose I can understand that.” Jumin shook his head, eager to change the subject. “Listen, Jihyun… I would like for you to stay here for a while.”

“You gonna kiss me some more?” The blue-haired man raised an eyebrow, amused at how his suggestive comment made his smitten friend choke on his own spit.

“For your  _ safety _ ,” Jumin clarified, trying to chase away the sudden blush triggered by the off-color remark. If Rika and her cult were really as dangerous as Jihyun had made it seem, then she might very well target him. The high level of security at Jumin’s penthouse could protect him from anyone who might want to cause him harm. “Please. I promise I won’t be improper while you are my guest here.”

Jihyun gave him an offended look, irritated that his friend would be so self-conscious. In all these years of pining, Jumin had never done anything untoward. “Of course I’ll stay. You’re probably right; I’ll feel much safer here with you than on my own.” Jumin relaxed, relieved that his friend understood.

_ I’m going to keep you safe. I’m going to take care of you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more shenanigans and general tomfoolery, I present my social media accounts:
> 
> tumblr (most of the behind-the-scenes nonsense and headcanons happen here): dumpster-owl  
> insta and tweeter: owluminatix


	3. Are You Lonesome Tonight?

After everything that had transpired between them, Jumin was amazed at how semi-normally the rest of the day proceeded. After agreeing to stay at the penthouse for his own safety, Jihyun had gone with one of the security guards to pick up a few things from his own apartment- clothes, self-care items, his camera. Even if he couldn’t see his own photos very well anymore, he still wanted to share them with Jumin. They had looked at the images together after dinner, Jumin describing the pictures that Jihyun couldn’t quite identify, and the latter excitedly recounting little anecdotes about his time in whichever place. Traveling had been good for him, Jumin decided. Even if it had been a bittersweet time as Jihyun’s sight slowly declined, it took him away from Rika and all the toxicity that surrounded her, it let him spend time alone with himself, to remember who he really was. Jumin’s attention was equally split between the photographs in front of him and the smile on his friend’s lips. He kept having to stop himself from leaning down to capture those lips again, to kiss them until they were swollen and red. Getting a brief taste of the very thing he’d craved all of these years only served to leave him hungry for more. Still, he resisted, knowing that Jihyun didn’t want the same thing. Jumin wouldn’t force his will onto him the way Rika had. 

He could see that Jihyun was fading fast now, yawning almost constantly as they talked through one last glass of wine. Jumin reached over to take the almost-empty goblet from his hand, getting his attention. “It seems to me that it’s about time we both went to bed.”

“Is it?” the other man asked, nearly delirious.

“Jihyun, you can barely keep your eyes open, and no wonder. It’s been a long day for both of us. If you’re tired, you don’t need to stay up any longer.” Jumin stood to take the used glasses to the kitchen. “I should probably be getting to bed myself. I have to go to work tomorrow.”

Jihyun laughed softly at himself. “I guess that’s true.” He pried himself off the couch, turning toward the hallway that led to the guest rooms, having been here enough times to have memorized the floor plan. “Good night, Jumin.”

“Good night.”

Jumin retired to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. As he showered and changed into his sleepwear, he couldn’t help wishing that his love was right beside him tonight. Even if he would admit it to no one, confessing his feelings stirred them up, bringing everything to the surface again. Well, it was no matter; this wouldn’t be the first night he’d spent in longing. At least Jihyun was home now, and he was ready to work toward recovering from the things he’d been through.

Even after getting settled under the covers and switching off the light, he lay there, wide awake, just thinking about  _ everything _ . To hear the whole truth about all of the awful things Rika had done...how could Jumin just go right to sleep after learning about all of that? He hated her, regretted putting his trust in her, even if he hadn’t shown this rage to his friend. It wouldn’t make things any easier for Jihyun, seeing  _ more  _ negativity. If there was one skill Jumin had perfected, it was channelling his emotions into something productive. Just being mad at Rika wouldn’t achieve anything, but he had  _ plenty  _ of resources at his disposal for bringing her to justice. Maybe Luciel had some information they could use; that redhead always had a knack for getting into things he wasn’t supposed to. Elizabeth could sense her master’s irritation, and began licking his hand incessantly, trying to calm him, or distract him, at least. 

“You’re right,” he whispered into the darkness. “Getting all worked up won’t help anything right now.”

Instead, Jumin’s thoughts started to steer back toward the truths he himself had shared that day. In retrospect, part of him was mortified to have been  _ so  _ painfully honest. Until today, he hadn’t even told anyone that he was gay, let alone  _ all of the other things  _ he’d heaped onto Jihyun all at once. His friend was still so fresh out of an abusive relationship, he didn’t need to be thinking about the fact that his best friend was in love with him. Of course, Jumin hadn’t  _ meant _ to place that emotional responsibility on him. In the moment, he had simply meant to be completely honest with a friend in the same way that friend had been honest with him. He also wondered if he should have given in when Jihyun asked him for a kiss. Was that too selfish? Yes, Jihyun had been the one to ask, but was it right to indulge him? He’d been in a vulnerable position, and Jumin worried that he’d taken advantage of it. A low noise built in his throat as he thought back on it, on how the other man had  _ kissed him back _ . 

\---

Despite how sleepy he’d felt just an hour before, Jihyun was now wide awake, shrouded in the darkness of the large guest room. This day...hadn’t gone at all how he expected. He hadn’t expected to tell Jumin about everything that had happened with Rika, though he now realized how inevitable it really was. His vision loss had already become obvious enough, and RFA would soon have questions about what had happened to their party coordinator; it was silly to think that he could keep things hidden indefinitely. What he  _ really  _ hadn’t expected was everything that Jumin had shared in return. Jihyun’s  _ best friend _ had felt that way for so long, and managed to hide it from everyone he knew, never giving anyone the slightest impression of what he hid deep down. Of course, Jumin had always been pretty skilled at hiding any kind of emotion, even if it meant coming off as cold and aloof. In retrospect, it was a survival mechanism. Jihyun wished he would share his true feelings more often. 

Jihyun had felt more true emotion and affection in this one day than he had ever experienced in his years with Rika. Jumin was probably kicking himself right now for being so honest about his feelings, not knowing just how  _ good  _ it had made his friend feel. It wasn’t until he received true affection for the first time in a  _ long  _ time that Jihyun realized just how much he  _ needed  _ it. In one way or another, Jumin had spent the whole day demonstrating how much he cared for his best friend; he didn’t even have to  _ try _ \- his affection for Jihyun came so naturally that his feelings should have been obvious a lot sooner. Now that the late hour found them in separate rooms for the night, Jihyun missed the attention. He’d been so starved for it for so long...to receive as much as he had today had given him a high from which he’d since crashed down. Though he’d spent the better part of the past year on his own, this was the first time Jihyun had actually felt  _ lonely _ . He found himself thinking back to the kiss from before; never in a million years had he ever envisioned himself in such a situation, and yet  _ he’d  _ been the one to initiate it! He was certain that what he felt for Jumin remained strictly platonic, but that kiss had still felt  _ so nice _ . 

What other ways, Jihyun wondered, could Jumin communicate his love?

Maybe he didn’t reciprocate Jumin’s feelings, but Jihyun could, at the very least, revel in whatever affection he could get. He had an understanding of what kinds of things two men could do together, and in this moment, he was willing to do those things, even if they didn’t particularly excite him. If Jumin could make him feel loved, maybe even make him feel _good_ , that would be enough. Jihyun’s heart was pounding now; he wanted to cause problems for his friend in the best way possible, and the thought of doing this, of _seducing_ the other man, made him feel exhilarated. He also felt pathetic, realizing just how touch-starved he must be if he was considering sex with someone he did not desire romantically or even sexually. 

But he  _ needed  _ it all the same. He needed to be  _ touched _ , to be  _ held,  _ to be  _ wanted _ . Jihyun’s bed felt so empty that it almost  _ hurt _ . His skin itched to be caressed, body ached for contact, and his head spun as he relived that kiss again. That brief moment had given him more clarity than he’d had in a long time. It  _ grounded  _ him, reminded him that he was finally  _ home _ . 

Having made up his mind, Jihyun rolled out of bed, dressed only in a t-shirt and a pair of boxer briefs. Would Jumin find this...sexy? Did Jihyun want him to? Well...getting physical was the goal, wasn’t it? He slipped out of his bedroom, knowing the apartment was now empty apart from Jumin and himself. A security guard was posted by every entrance, but even they were still outside. If Jumin wanted, he could finally let go and indulge his desires without being interrupted, without his privacy being invaded. Given the chance, just how far would he want to take things? Considering how long Jumin had been waiting, simply kissing certainly wouldn’t be enough, right? Jihyun wasn’t quite sure himself how far he would be willing to let things go. Would he really be okay with Jumin touching  _ every  _ part of him? Knowing Jumin, he wouldn’t push things any further than his partner was willing, confirming every step of the way that everything was still alright. Still, as he reached the door to the master bedroom, Jihyun’s heart jumped into his throat. He had no idea what to expect and yet, he found himself leaping into the unknown anyway.

Jihyun slowly twisted the doorknob, silently opening the door and slipping inside. “Jumin?” he whispered into the darkness.

No response.

It seemed the other man had already fallen asleep, but Jihyun was pretty sure he wouldn’t mind being woken up like this. One knee sank into the foot of the bed, then the other, movements painfully slow as he worked his way up. When he accidentally nudged Jumin’s left leg, the sleeping man finally began to stir, though it did not fully occur to him what was happening. He probably just assumed it was Elizabeth choosing a new spot to curl up. Mumbling incoherently in his half-awake state, he remained in his present position on his back, making it easy for Jihyun to climb on top of him, sitting astride his hips. Jihyun leaned down, resting his head on the other’s chest for a brief moment, thinking about how nice it would be to just lay together like this. Yes, it would be nice, but it wasn’t what he had come here to do. He lifted his head back up, leaning forward a little more to press his lips to Jumin’s. A jolt ran through his body, sending his heart racing once more. It was so strange, knowing that he didn’t return Jumin’s romantic feelings, but getting so caught up in things like this anyway. It felt  _ good  _ in a way that Jihyun still didn’t know how to anticipate. 

Elizabeth was certainly known to climb all over her owner in his sleep, but she most definitely never  _ kissed  _ him. Jumin’s eyes flew open, and at first, all he saw was blue- silvery in the moonlight that peeked through his curtains- silky blue hair that fell onto his face as Jihyun kissed him. Was...was this a dream? Another kiss, and Jumin was sure that this was reality. Without thinking, he instinctively reached for that blue hair, running his fingers through it as he brushed it backward, his hand coming to rest on the back of the other man’s head. The motion drew a soft moan from Jihyun, and Jumin’s eyes were falling shut again, his other arm wrapping around the other man to hold him tight as Jumin allowed the kiss to continue. He lifted the back of Jihyun’s shirt slightly, his index finger drawing languid patterns on the exposed flesh. His friend shivered at the ticklish contact, moving his lips faster, trying to push things forward. Jumin gave a low groan into his mouth, only encouraging him further. With that encouragement, he opened his mouth, inviting Jumin to deepen the kiss, and he did just that, pulling Jihyun in tighter as he slipped his tongue into his mouth.

Jihyun was  _ hot  _ on top of him, trembling and moaning  _ loudly  _ at the intrusion. His heart was pounding a mile a minute now and he actually felt himself starting to get  _ excited  _ about this. He didn’t know  _ why _ , or what it meant, but he was enjoying this attention, perhaps beyond his need for simple affection. Maybe he was just starved for something else, too. His hands slid up to hold Jumin’s face, drawing a low hum that rippled through his body. It wasn’t like Jihyun hadn’t expected the other man to like this, but to experience it firsthand was...intoxicating. Maybe it was the feeling of being desired that left him hot all over, skin burning everywhere Jumin touched him, though the way he touched Jihyun was remarkably chaste. Jihyun’s own hand trailed downward from his jaw, feeling the curve of Jumin’s throat, which rumbled with delight at the other’s exploration, and slid over his collarbone and shoulder, admiring the musculature underneath. The dark-haired man had always been in good shape, but Jihyun had never really paid it much mind until now. The hand on his back slipped to the side, gripping his hip and holding him tight against Jumin. Jihyun cried out again, dizzy at the heat starting to build in his lower body.

His hand moved lower and lower, finally reaching the waist of Jumin’s pants. Finally, a moment of clarity broke through the headiness of the situation. Kissing was one thing, Jumin realized; they’d done that earlier, and Jihyun probably just wanted to repeat what had been a nice, tender moment.  _ This _ , on the other hand, was  _ foreplay _ . If his friend was taking things in this direction, he probably intended for the two of them to have sex. But  _ why _ ? Jihyun wasn’t inclined in that way. He wasn’t attracted to Jumin. Why would he be pushing for something like this? It wasn’t like he could reconsider his entire sexuality in a mere  _ day _ . No. This was an act of desperation, a mad grab for attention- something Jihyun had been starved of for a while. He knew that he could get genuine affection from Jumin, but would he really be willing to go so far to get it? Letting this continue wouldn’t be fair to either of them. 

Jumin caught the other’s hand before it could do anything else questionable. “Jihyun, wait.”

“Huh?” His voice was breathy in a way that almost made Jumin regret stopping things. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” He sat up, gently nudging Jihyun off of him.

“Why not? You want to, right?”

“It’s not that, exactly.” Were the circumstances different, Jumin wouldn’t think twice about stripping the other man down and licking every inch of him. “It’s more that I don’t think  _ you  _ really want to.”

“But... _ I’m  _ the one who-”

“I know. But do you  _ actually  _ want to do these things with me?” Jumin reached over to switch on the small lamp on his nightstand. “You’ve already said that you don’t have the same feelings toward me as I do you.”

Jihyun cast his gaze to the side. “That’s true.”

“I don’t think your feelings have changed over the last, what,  _ twelve hours _ ?”

“No…”

“Then what made you decide to try this?” Jumin knew why, but if he could get his friend to talk to him about it, he could help him understand his  _ true  _ feelings, and come to some kind of solution.

Jihyun was mortified. “I don’t know, I…” How could he tell Jumin that he just wanted attention, even if it meant taking advantage of his friend’s feelings?

“You want genuine affection, right?” Jumin didn’t seem upset. He just wanted to understand what Jihyun was feeling. “Just like before, when you said you wanted to be kissed by someone who truly loves you.”

“S-Something like that.”

Jumin sighed. “That’s what I thought. But going about it like this isn’t fair to either of us.”

“I know…” Jihyun felt bad; it had been selfish and reckless to jump into something like this. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, just… Just be honest with me about what you  _ actually  _ feel. Don’t be afraid to tell me what you  _ actually  _ need.”

“I need…” Jihyun groaned, embarrassed. “I need affection, I guess. I didn’t realize before how much I missed it, but getting so much attention from you today…” His voice trailed off as his face burned bright pink. He was starved for love, Jumin realized, of any kind. “And maybe…” Jihyun squeezed his eyes shut, making another frustrated sound. “I’m realizing that part of me needs to be  _ touched _ , too.”

“Yes, and not necessarily in the way that you were pursuing just now.”

“Is that… Is that  _ weird _ ?” His voice was sheepish in the cutest way, nearly making Jumin choke.

“Of course it’s not weird. It’s not weird to crave physical contact with others, but you can’t just go after it in any way you can. That’s doing yourself a disservice.”

“Then...how…?”

“How about this instead?” Jumin reached out to embrace him in a much more innocent way than before- no steamy kiss, no wandering hands. Yes, this felt much more appropriate, much more healthy.

Jihyun sighed contentedly, realizing that his friend had been right. He returned the hug, resting his head on Jumin’s shoulder. He was warm, holding Jihyun in a way that felt both comfortable and safe. If they could stay like this forever, that would probably be fine with both of them. “J-Jumin?”

“Hmm?” The sound produced a low vibration in his chest that Jihyun could feel, making his heart jump again for reasons he didn’t understand at all.

“Do you think I could...I don’t know...maybe sleep in here tonight? I just don’t feel like being alone right now.”

Jumin pulled back to look at him, almost offended that his friend would think he would deny him such a thing. “Of course you can stay in here. The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable in any way. There’s plenty of room in here for you if that is what you want.” He adjusted, laying down on his side and gesturing for Jihyun to make himself comfortable. Jihyun mirrored him, taking the nearby pillow that generally served no purpose in a single man’s bed. The dark-haired man turned out the light again, reaching a hand out to give his friend’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’m right here with you, always.”

Though the darkness had swallowed them once more, it felt a lot less lonely now. Jihyun found sleep easily now, but Jumin stayed awake for some time, gazing at his friend, barely illuminated by the soft glow of the moon. He could scarcely believe that Jihyun had gone so far for the slightest bit of affection. Maybe...he was a little more fluid in his sexuality than Jumin had assumed. Maybe that was just wishful thinking. Either way, it worried him; if his friend were to try something like that again, would he have the strength to stop things a second time? Jihyun  _ needed  _ him right now, and he was  _ right here  _ in front of Jumin. He was so soft, so adorable, so  _ vulnerable _ . He craved attention, and ate up every little bit of affection that Jumin gave him. Something like that...was very difficult to resist.

How much longer...would Jumin be able to hold back?

\-----

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